Deferral of the Fittest

So Kanye called today. I asked where he’d been since we’re running behind on the Hallochristmagiving verses, especially having passed the first trimester mark a full week ago. He said he had gone out that night all costumed up, and wound up going through too many tricks and getting ill. I corrected him and said he meant "treats" of course. He said I was too white, and then made some comment about being rich now and personal doctors compared to free clinics. I didn’t understand it.

Anyway…I have this odd thing with my personal train of thought. It often winds up playing out like a game of Chutes & Ladders, though usually not involving dice. I’ll start out with one thought, which then reminds me of something and jumps me to another thought, etc. I consider it more of a blessing than a curse since it’s often a source of creativity, but it can lead to the odd moment of me looking faraway at awkard times. Jim Davis of Garfield fame did a sketch of me once in that state during a project meeting. Priceless stuff.

So today I’m driving home from work and I wind up behind a car with a bumper sticker that says "Darwin Loves You". Next to that is the requisite Darwin Fish of course. And then my mental game of Chutes & Ladders kicked in and lept me to this thought: Ever notice how the Darwin Fish people are usually part of the tree-hugging crowd?

"Why sure," I thought back to myself (because talking to yourself doesn’t mean you’re crazy unless you wind up in an argument).

Then my next thought was this: Isn’t that ironic, given that Darwinism and evolution are all about survival of the fittest?

"Whoa. Yeah, that is ironic. Pretty hysterical actually."

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating going out and polluting randomly, or killing anything that crosses your path. But if you’re strict about survival of the fittest then we’re at the top of the chain baby, and nothing should stand in our way. It’s all about who’s the strongest, and having the strongest exercise supremacy over everything else until something stronger comes along and begins to shift the balance of power.

Instead, the Darwin Fish crowd typically advocates the exact opposite. Don’t kill any cute and cuddly critters they say. We should respect and revere them, and put their needs above ours. Now I don’t think you’d see a pack of wolves saying, "Sure our pack is stronger than that deer, but we should put it’s need above ours. Let’s go steal nuts from a squirrel instead. Oh, whoops! Can’t be doing that either, now can we?"

So do the Darwin Fish types really believe in survivial of the fittest or not? I feel one of the great things about the gospel is that it doesn’t box me in to an either / or scenario. I’ve long held the position that science and religion, when we have a perfect understanding of it all, will meet up completely. No loose ends. So I’m free to accept those things that the Spirit touches me as being true even in areas of science.

Yeah, that’s right Darwin Fish types. Religion sets you free rather than tying you down.  Crazy, huh?

The high cost of lower education

Ah, school time. The first quarter is almost over, and my three oldest children are in the throes of learning. At times (many) they may argue that the only kind of “throes” they get from school are those involving death, but they are throes nonetheless.

We are fortunate to live in one of the best-rated school systems in our state, which means a couple of things: pretty good education, better-than-your-average-bear athletics, and “they didn’t even buy me dinner first” property taxes. The amazing thing about the taxes to fund the schools is what you get in return. State-of-the-art buildings and equipment, newer generation computers, excellent teachers, and an apparent dearth of basic supplies.

Yes, a complete lack of anything and everything that isn’t a textbook, chair, desk, or building. I’m sure it’s this way in other school districts, but it’s completely astounding how much isn’t provided. School supplies for my three skulls of mush totalled close to $200. And that didn’t include the additional school fees for…uh…whatever it is the fees are used for. There’s another $100. And the mandatory field trip in the second week for daughter #2, which was another $30.

Then of course is the constant begathon. The year-round tin-cup-carrying, cardboard sign on the freeway, clean your window with a dirty rag, knife-fight you for squatting rights, incessant pandering for everything one might think of. You’re wondering why I hadn’t written this post back at the beginning of September? Well, sloth for one, but also I’ve just grown to accept this nonsense until the two most recent attempts to put a hand in my back pocket with the intent of doing more than cop a feel.

Daughter #2 is in band, and there has been a request that each parent send in a bag of individually wrapped candy to be passed out as rewards or something. Sure it’s only a $3 bag of candy, but it’s also the principal of the thing. I played in orchestra when I was a young skull of mush, even to the level of spending a couple years in the city junior philharmonic. We were good. And you know what we got? Yelled at for tapping time with our feet. Candy was for wussies. Candy was for Hallochristmagiving.*

The second item was when daughter #1 asked me to sign the permission slip for participation in “art club”. “Sounds good,” says I, followed by “But what’s this mysteriously folded-over front sheet stapled on here that you seem to want to avoid having me see?” Ah yes, that would be the page with the hand reaching again for my wallet. Sucker! I don’t carry cash (much) and you don’t take a debit card. So no, you can’t have the $20 pay-to-play fee and the additional $20 for “supplies”!

Apparently last year, the money from the dozen or so participants (around $240 I suppose) was enough to buy the necessary materials to create a five-foot papier-mache letter “O”. Call me an ogre, but I’m thinking my $20 could be put to better use. “Transformers” came out today on DVD for instance. That movie was cool, even if it was made by Michael Bay. Way better than a papier-mache block “O”.

I’ll give the school here credit for the education though. It’s 10:50pm right now, and daughter #2 is still working on her homework. Yay school!

*Happy 16th day of Hallochristmagiving by the way. I believe the song is up to “16 loaves of white bread to start drying out for making stuffing”. I’m still trying to get the rhythm to flow with “Golddigger” but it’s tough. Bustin’ a rhyme with an ill flow like that ain’t nothin’ for a playa, but it’s a biznatch for a Wonderbread, yo.

Happy Hallochristmagiving!

Egads, we’re already 11 days in and I have yet to wish everyone a Happy Hallochristmagiving. While we’ve been slowly migrating into this new holiday since the middle part of my happy childhood I guess it’s now official, and I’ve missed jumping on the bandwagon by a week-and-a-half. At least I think it’s official. It was either Fox News or CNN that I read it on, I’m sure of it.

I would have completely forgotten that it was the Hallochristmagiving season if it hadn’t been for a short stop by my local warehouse club format store. There were glass ornaments for trees, fakes trees blaring music, roasting racks, palettes of candies, and in the middle of it all a manger scene with baby Jesus wearing a goblin mask while holding a jack-o-lantern and a turkey baster. It was a fantastic site that caused an unfamiliar emotion to well up inside of me. But fortunately I made it to the bathroom in time.

A lot of other changes have begun to take shape now that Hallochristmagiving has become official. Most notably is the special spirit the season brings. It used to be that you had to wait until the day after Thanksgiving for things to really start ramping up. Then you would suddenly see decorations on the streets and in the stores, with a window of only 30 days or so to enjoy them. The excitement and wonder of it all was amazing. So why not extend that by starting things off earlier? A lot of people think that moving to Hallochristmagiving is just a shallow attempt by retailers to generate a longer sales season. But I don’t really think that’s it at all. Perhaps stores do realize a boost in sales, but I believe the genesis is the spirit of charity and giving, and the desire to have that joy last the entire fourth quarter of the fiscal year. It was evident that it was working for one of the employees at the store I visited when I heard them commenting on the fake Hallochristmagiving tree blaring out electronic Hallochristmagiving music. They were talking with a co-worker, and in an animated voice said “It’s only October and I can already hardly stand it!”

Obviously the anticipation is already building even at this early stage in the season.

The official Hallowchirstmagiving movie is making its second annual opening in 3D this weekend I think too. “Nightmare Before
Christmas” is a pretty cool movie, and it was very forward-thinking of Tim Burton to have made something that now so perfectly fits into our new, three-month long holiday season. I’ve seen the movie a few times on video in the past of course, but seeing it in 3D would be pretty slick. Even better if it were a triple feature with “30 Days of Night” and “Fred Clause”.

The other big change, of course, is the complete overhaul to the “Twelve Days of Christmas” song. I’ve never actually been sure why it was twelve days to begin with, but there’s no doubt now about the origins of the “Ninety-two Days of Hallowchristmagiving”. I’m working now on committing each of the verses to memory, and though it may clock in at slightly longer than a performance of Wagner’s entire “Ring Cycle” it’s certainly worth it. Although I have to admit, I still haven’t quite figured out why all the instrumentation has been changed. Instead of the traditional tune, it’s now set to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger”.

So again, Happy Hallochristmagiving everyone. And I’ll look forward to next spring when I can wish you a lovely Valeasterick’s Day.