thefinitemonkey:
A single, Mormon guy divorced for a couple years. Has four kids, serves on the Single Adult committee because everyone else in his Ward said “no” first. Very much would like to have more of a social life than at present.

The Model:
Oldest of the four kids. She has aspirations to be a model, and certainly looks like she could fit the part. “American’s Next Top Model” is more of a research project than casual viewing for her.

The Bunny:
Second of the four kids. Not even a teenager yet, but already has that kind of build. Fortunately she’s innocent of what being a “bunny” is, and her dad is more than happy to have it that way.

Big Guy:
Third of the four kids, and the only boy. He’s got the build of a linebacker, wants to play football, and could probably do well at it physically. It would just be too bad if it meant he had to harden up that tender heart.

Smoky:
The youngest of the four. It’s a good thing that all the kids have good heads on them, because this one will most likely be built like The Bunny, along with having big, blue eyes and that smoky voice that drives boys crazy. There’s eleven years until she can date, which is plenty of time to carve a custom bat.

Brokeback:
The ex. Went to “the other side”, also known as “switched teams”, a few years ago. Provides for great conversation with the kids when one of them…oh say…catches her “in the moment” with her girlfriend.

Sasquatch:
A being often looked for by men, resulting in non-reliable photographs and tall tales of coming “this close” to actually connecting with one. Many insist Sasquatch is a thing only of myth, while many married people just get glassy-eyed and can’t fathom why such a being would exist at all.

The Skipper:
Should have been held responsible for all the trouble everyone was in, but fortunately shipwrecked them all on a well-stocked island.

The Millionaire and His Wife:
Couple that still considers themselves above everyone, even though they’re as screwed as the rest of the castaways. Were likely shocked when they returned from the island years later to find that millionaires were far more common than when they left, though the follow-up films never covered that aspect.

The Professor:
Probably the only man truly qualified to ever answer who was hotter, Ginger or Mary-Ann. Though we all know it has to be Mary-Ann.